


A Heart of Gold

by Pixiebells



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Male Character, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Era, Drama, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Time, Flirting, Foreplay, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Humor, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Makeup Sex, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Overdosing, Pining, Potions, Reconciliation, Romance, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Smut, Snogging, Yeah so I decided Arthur's horse is a female he named Cinnamon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14403531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiebells/pseuds/Pixiebells
Summary: Merlin, true to form, accidentally drinks a magical potion and hears Arthur's private, unexpected thoughts, bringing on quite the chain reaction. Hilarity, sexy things and drama all ensue.





	1. Mixing Things Up

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is rated M for all the slash-y Merthur subtext morphing into regular text, and then capital letters, screaming across the Internet to devoted shippers everywhere ♥️
> 
> Feel free to R&R, I love feedback!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Merlin accidentally drinks a magical potion, he learns that Arthur might feel differently about him after all...

\----

It was an early Spring morning and Merlin was groggy, half-awake over his usual oatmeal as Gaius hopped about the room, so excited over a potion he'd recently concocted.

"It's a powerful elixer, giving one the ability to hear other's thoughts. You can only hear the first person you see after drinking it. You can't hear their thoughts if they're speaking aloud. And in this amount, it lasts," he paused, peering down at a large spell book, "48 hours. It's  
" _Praevideat_ _Cogitationes_ " Latin for 'Clairvoyant Thought'." He carefully poured the liquid into a nearby chalice to keep it cool.

"Fascinating." He replied with a nod. "It sounds extremely useful."

"Why yes! Let's say you're dining with someone you're trying to negotiate with. Someone who may wish to do you harm, but you're trying to be diplomatic. You drink it, and then you know their true intentions. Well, I'd best be off. Morgana got ill last night, so I'm bringing her some fresh Lavender and Chamomile."

Merlin looked up from his breakfast. "Aww. Tell her I hope she feels better."

"I'll be sure to." He added with a nod.

He hurried out of the room, pouch of herbs in hand. Merlin finished the last of his oatmeal. Just as he stood to leave, Arthur appeared in the doorway.

"Merlin! There you are! I _assume_ you plan on working at some point today?" He complained, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course! Right-right away." He replied, now gulping down his cider.

A lump formed in his throat as he drank. He'd realized he liked Arthur as more than just a friend, and had no idea how to handle it. Even though he was a prat and demanding, he was still somehow charismatic, endearing. Merlin secretly got jealous whenever pretty girls pranced around him. They were happily throwing themselves at him, what with being a handsome prince and all.

He set down his chalice and frowned. Arthur wouldn't ever like him that way. He wasn't some Duchess with silky hair and a foreign accent. He was a boy, and a servant, with clearly nothing to offer him.

He followed him down the hall as he went on with his plans for the day.

"We'll be training until noon, and then again at one until six. Did you finish polishing everything yesterday?" He asked as they approached his room.

"I did." He replied, following him in.

"Good." He said, turning back. "Look at you, being occasionally useful. Perhaps there's hope for you yet." He added with a nudge. They smiled together for a second. Merlin stood, awkwardly staring. Arthur's eyes sparkled when he teased him. He shook his head slightly for a second, eyes closed.

"Alright then, get going! Bring those to the girls." He directed, pointing to a rumpled pile of laundry. "Make sure they're all done by tonight."

"I will." He replied, scurrying over to the pile

~*~

"This heat is _ridiculous_." Arthur whined a few hours later as he changed. Merlin had just entered with his lunch, and before he could stop himself, he snuck a look as he pulled off his tunic to change to a fresh one. His eyes traveled along the tight curves of his toned figure, watching a tiny bit of sweat glisten against his back. He gulped and looked away. Desperately hoping he hadn't noticed his ogling, he spoke up:

"I brought your lunch." He stammered, clutching a tray.

"I noticed." He replied as he took a seat.

"Gwen made us all fresh lemonade." He continued, handing him a glass of it.

"Brilliant." He added with a sip of the sour-sweet liquid. "I imagine you'll be attending tonight?"

"Attending?" He asked, setting down the pitcher.

He chuckled. "The Beltane feast, it's tonight."

"Oh, _that_! Yes! Yes, I am definitely going." He nodded, sipping his lemonade.

"Good. Now go feed Cinnamon. Give her a nice brushing while you're there."

"Of course." He turned to leave.

As he walked off he could've sworn he'd heard something very unexpected.

_If he's that good-looking, why does he have to be so awkward?_

"I'm sorry?" He asked, turning.

"I didn't say anything." He stiffly replied. "You may go."

"I just..." His throat went dry. "I didn't know if you needed anything else."

Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes.

_Even when you're asking the most stupid questions, I still want you!_

His eyes widened as he gaped at the prince. He could hear his thoughts! He must've accidentally drank the potion Gaius was talking about this morning! He suddenly wondered how he would feel about this mix-up. He smiled to himself, imagining Gaius excitedly opening a vile expecting a magical elixer and sniffing out nothing but ordinary cider.

"What?!" Arthur's voice snapped like the cold, slamming down his glass with a bang. "I didn't say anything."

"Nothing! I'll....see you tonight."

He turned and left, his mind reeling.

Arthur...liked him?

~*~

It was almost midnight and the feast had finally started to wind down.

Arthur had drank too much and Merlin had to drag him away and pour him into bed, to the disappointment of at least three pretty girls who'd been buzzing around the young prince all night.

Merlin had drank a little as well. He wasn't drunk, just more relaxed than usual.They made it to his room and Arthur was very drowsy, hardly able to keep his balance.

"Come on then." Merlin mumbled as he helped Arthur stand by his bedside, taking off his usual cloak. "You're so drunk I have to do literally everything for you." He sighed as he now had to take off the next piece: a heavy, ceremonial layer of chainmail.

Just as he had the thick silver mesh over his head, Arthur's knees gave way and he flopped onto his bed. Merlin stumbled and fell on top of him as the chainmail slid to the floor. They looked at each other, a haze of wine and mead casting over them.

_I want you. Right here, right now._

His heart almost stopped.

Arthur  **wanted** him.

Merlin's chest tightened. Arthur looked at him in a daze. He reached up and held his face. He pulled him closer, kissing him. Merlin's lips were rough, but sweet like the wine.

Arthur's mouth gently opened, just for a second, his tongue slowly grazing his top lip. Merlin murmured softly, a slight breath between their kisses.

He was getting dizzy as they kissed again, intensity rushing through his veins. When they pulled back, Arthur surveyed him for a moment.

"Urggh, take this stupid thing off." Arthur slurred, tugging at his usual red neckscarf. After Merlin took it off and tossed it aside, Arthur ran his hands up his tunic to take it off. His eyes widened, just by seeing him partly undressed.

"Go lock the door." He directed, eyes smoldering.

Merlin's head was swimming as he sauntered towards the door. Arthur wanted this. He clicked the lock and returned, not sure what to say or do. He sat on the edge of his bed, kissing him again. Arthur grabbed him, pulling him into his bed.

He shed his own tunic, and pulled him closer, now both lying on their sides to face each other. His body was warm and the feeling of his bare skin was tantalizing. Arthur kissed his chest as his hands wandered. After a few moments, he started to unfasten Merlin's breeches.

"Wait, wait..." He mumbled, pulling back.

"What?" Arthur asked, slowly caressing his hip. His eyes were half closed, still rather drunk.

"I want this but...I don't exactly know what I'm doing." He softly admitted.

He chuckled,. "Of course not. But **I** do." He added, rasing his eyebrows. "Relax," he coaxed him, slinking an arm around his waist, "and trust your instincts."

They laid back and Merlin rustled around, helping him pull his breeches off, along with his small clothes. He bravely advanced on Arthur. His body was warm from the drinks as he kissed his neck, running his hands through his soft hair. Soon, he was kissing his chest and started tugging at his breeches. The cloth was pulled off his trim figure and Merlin's heart pounded. God, he was gorgeous! He gaped, unsophisticatedly, but didn't even care. They were tangled in his sheets now as they kept kissing, skin on skin. Arthur reached between them and confidently groped him.

" _Ah_!" Merlin whined in elation, a short, hot breath against his ear.

" _Shhhh_...." Arthur hissed softly, "can't have any anyone hearing us..." He licked his lips and nuzzled his neck again.

Merlin had tried being quiet, but he was caught off-guard by his advances. He wasn't used to this kind of physical attention. He snuggled closer, breathing heavily and kissing his neck as he continued. God, how did he **know** to--

_Better than I imagined it._

He snapped his head up to observe Arthur's face: eyes closed, cheeks flushed, fully concentrating on how it felt to touch him this passionately.

Merlin's mind was racing in every direction. He was naked in Arthur's bed. Arthur liked him this whole time and drunkenly made a move on him. He couldn't even begin to wrap his brain around the fact that _Arthur had fantasized about doing this with him._

At the same time, he couldn't think, only revel in how it felt to be in his grip. He was spellbound by his touch, and his complete lack of restraint. He was still groping him, and it was now warm and sticky between them. Merlin was breathing harder as he went on kissing his neck, trembling against his ambitious grip.

Arthur paused for a second, hardly breathing. He look at Merlin and begged.

"Please?" He whimpered.

"Yes, anything!" Merlin almost yelled without thinking.

Arthur moved in one quick motion, boldly taking him by mouth. Merlin gasped at this sensation, swooning back onto pillows as he continued to pursue him.

It was a hot mix of salt and sweet. Merlin stared, nothing less than shocked watching him be so attracted to him. He'd never experienced this before. His mouth was soft and he could feel confidence blazing between them. His breath got heavier and he gripped his shoulder, light-headed as he squirmed under him. When he finished, he gritted his teeth to muffle any sounds. They were drenched in sweat, trembling in pure longing. He kissed Arthur's cheek, tasting the salt of his skin. He nestled against him now, curling his head against his shoulder, happily exhausted.

They drifted off to sleep.


	2. Hide & Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Merlin and Arthur's canoodling continues, will anyone discover their situation?

Luckily, everyone had taken the weekend after Beltane off. It had been two blissful days of basking in each other's affections and nothing else. Merlin had barely left his room since their drunken Friday night. He loved this attention and Arthur was thrilled Merlin liked him the same way. He'd been hiding his feelings forever.

Even the first day they met, he was awful to him in an effort to push him away. Because on that sunny fall morning, he saw the raven-black hair, the fair skin, the endearing smile. He was gorgeous, and it hurt. He could never be with a boy, especially not a servant.

He only let his mind imagine what it would be like. Was he a good kisser? Was he shy about sex? How much experience did he have? What would he let him do with him? How would that scrawny little frame **feel** against his toned body?

He thought of it often, but forced himself to keep him at a distance, which was difficult given they spent literally every day together. So calling him an idiot and being a prat and rolling his eyes at his sentiment proved to be the perfect way to mask how he felt.

But once he was that drunk and they were alone, he took his chance.

The midmorning sun was streaming in from the windows, and Arthur didn't want to move. He was snuggled against Merlin, both still undressed and happy to nibble on his neck, loving the cute little squeaks he kept making.

But once another lazy half hour of affections passed, he started coming back to reality.

"We should probably be productive at some point." Arthur said, rolling onto his back.

"Yeah, I should get to my chores." Merlin replied, sitting up, now searching for his small clothes in the jumble of clothing hanging off the bed. "The guy I serve is a real prick."

"Wha-! I'll show you!" He teased, grabbing Merlin by the waist as he tried to escape the bed.

"I believe you already have!" He laughed, now all twisted in the sheets again.

~*~

So every few nights, Merlin would wait until he was sure Gaius was asleep, and sneak into Arthur's room to have a night together. Usually he crept back to his room, but one night, he fell asleep there.

He awoke quickly and scrambled out of the room making as little noise as possible. Gaius spotted him in the hallway.

"Merlin! There you are." He paused. "Where were you?"

"Me? Oh, I was just helping Arthur with something."

"Oh. Well then, carry on. I'll see you later." He nodded and walked off.

He wasn't totally sure, but he had an inkling: Merlin was hiding something. He seemed...nervous.

~*~

A few days later, he feel asleep next to Arthur again. He returned to his room and Gaius was already there, concocting something.

"Helping Arthur again?" He asked, without looking up.

"Yes." Merlin replied, hoping to slip into his room without further interrogation.

"What did you say you were helping him with again?" He asked as he was measuring a vile of blue liquid.

"He-um-he asked me not to say. You know how he can be."

Gaius's "Mmh-hmm." didn't sound like a man who was convinced. Merlin wondered how long he could keep this secret from him.

~*~

Three days.

He lasted exactly three more days before Gaius figured it out.

He was with Arthur again, happily sprawled on his bed. It was midday and Arthur figured he'd find time for Merlin now so he wouldn't have to sneak around at night.

"Still too hot out there?" Merlin purred, watching Arthur change.

" _Much_ too hot." He agreed, walking up to him. Merlin got up on his knees on the bed and leaned in to kiss him.

"Then you should probably take these extra layers off..." He teased, tugging off his breeches. They had a _little_ extra time...

They kissed again, Merlin pulling him into the bed. But a few minutes later, they had an unwelcomed surprise.

A loud knocking on his door interrupted them. Both their heads snapped over.

"Arthur? Sire?" It was Gaius's unmistakable voice.

"You locked the door, didn't you?" Arthur hissed as he scrambled off the bed, grabbing his clothes and pulling them on as fast as he could.

"Yes, but what do I do?" Merlin whispered, fastening his breeches and looking for his tunic.

The knocking began again.

"Just a moment, I'm--changing." He called out.

"Go hide!" He grunted over his shoulder as he went for the door.

" _Gaius_." He chirped, opening the door slightly, wearing a nervous smile. "How are you?"

Gaius paused before answering. Arthur's hair was mussed up, his tunic was hastily pulled on, and he leaned against the door, almost like he was blocking the view from the hallway...

"I'm fine, thank you." He replied, noddinng.

"Well, I'm about to start training for the afternoon, so I'll be on my way..."

"Well actually, do you know where Merlin is? He told me he'd be bringing you your lunch, but that was over fourty minutes ago. He said he'd go with me to the Market this afternoon."

Before Arthur could think of an excuse, an empty pitcher fell over, causing a plate and teacup to clatter onto the floor behind them. Merlin was trying to find someplace to quietly hide, and failing spectacularly.

"What was that?" Gaius asked, scrunching up his face in confusion.

"What was what? I didn't hear anything." He gripped the door.

Gaius tilted his head. Something was off...

"I just needed to know if Merlin is here, that's all."

"Well," he turned, pointing to his room and holding the door ajar, "he _was_ , but as you can see, he's not now. So..."

Gaius observed the room. Arthur's bedsheets were rumpled, the empty dishes from his dinner tray were littering the floor, and there laid Merlin's signature blue neckscarf, hanging off Arthur's bed.

And just when he thought the room was in fact empty, he noticed the red curtian in the corner was...different.

"So... Merlin is no longer here?" Gaius surmised, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, that's correct." Arthur claimed, nodding.

Gaius sighed and inched his way through the door.

"Merlin," he said, voice slightly raised to ensure his attention. "I can see your feet."

An awkward pause filled the room.

"No you can't." Said the red curtian.

Arthur sighed. "Just come out of there, for _God's_ sake...."

"Gaius!" Merlin cried, leaping from behind the curtain as though nothing had happened. "What a pleasant surprise to see you here."

He sounded like everything was normal, but he had yet to find his tunic so there he stood, half-naked and eyes wide, searching for some kind of excuse.

"I wish I could say the same." He mumbled. "Now, I've just come by because we were going to do--"

"Laundry!" Merlin almost yelled.

"What?" He asked, crinkling his brow.

"We're doing laundry. Well, I'm getting his laundry. He told me he prefers doing laundry on Sundays." Merlin claimed, nodding as he pranced around with his usual basket, grabbing random socks, secretly looking for his tunic.

"It's Wednesday."

He observed the boys. Merlin was grabbing every cloth item he could find, clutching the basket to his chest. Arthur stood motionless, cheeks burning as he stared at the floor in dead silence.

The bedsheets, their clothes (or lack thereof), Merlin sneaking around at all hours of the night to "help" Arthur...

He closed his eyes, and sighed. He spoke in a low, knowing mumble: "I'm old; not stupid."

Merlin was struck with panic. "But--I--I can explain! We were just--"

Gaius held up his hands and spoke again: "I don't care what either of you do with your personal lives and I _genuinely_ don't want an explanation of what you were doing."

"All right, fine!" Arthur snapped.

Merlin dropped the laundry basket, knocking over an unlit candleholder, which clattered onto the floor.

Gaius raised his eyebrows, shocked at Arthur.

Arthur stalked up to the older man and looked him dead in the eye, nearly gritting his teeth.

"You know what you saw, and you put the pieces together. Brilliant. But I insist that before you leave this room, you swear that you will not tell _anyone_ about this!"

Gaius had to tread lightly. Arthur was clearly rattled by his discovery.

"I just said I don't care what you do. I have no intention of telling anyone." He assured them, shaking his head. "It's not my place."

Yet before he headed for the door, he looked at Arthur: young, comely, and dangerously self-indulgent.

"I've known you since the day you were born, and you have never changed. You're used to getting everything you want and then throwing things away when you're bored with them, regardless of who you hurt. If you break Merlin's heart, I swear to the heavens, I will torture you in ways you cannot imagine. I don't know how, but believe that I will find a way. Do you understand me?" His eyes were dark, clouded by these threats.

"Yes...sir." Arthur replied, feeling slightly intimidated.

"Thank you, Sire." He nodded and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Arthur?" He said, turning back.

"Yes?" 

"It appears you've put you breeches on backwards."

His jaw dropped as he looked down in horror.

Merlin couldn't help but giggle as Gaius left.


	3. Give & Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before, Arthur would only imagine Merlin was his. Now that he actually is, can he handle real feelings?

Two night later, Arthur laid on the ground out in the woods. They had began a campaign that morning, trampling through the woods with Merlin by his side and several knights accompanying them. They were traveling to the Northern boarder for the next few days to broker a trade deal. It was twilight, and he had been thinking about the past few weeks they'd had together. He wanted to be with Merlin again now, but there were a half dozen men nearby and no locked door to conceal them, even if everyone else was currently asleep. So he laid a few feet away from Merlin, still in need.

He looked over at Merlin, scrunched up under a blanket and sighed. He looked so cute all huddled up, even though he was facing away from him. Arthur's eyes traveled along his body and he suddenly saw his back was perfectly positioned to playfully grab him, kiss his neck, or maybe even...

His hand wandered from just thinking about it and he shut his eyes, trying to remember the look of pure lust on Merlin's face that first night. He tightened his grip, remembering his body. It was delicate and beautiful, soft to the touch. Arthur's breath caught and he exhaled sharply as he kept going, hard and warm. He hoped no one realized what he was doing. He was so used to not getting what he really wanted, so used to pretending.

But just as he was hazily drifting between pleasure and sleep, he decided he didn't want to imagine. He wanted something real, even if it meant taking a risk. It wasn't just sex. He wanted to be with Merlin.

"Merlin," he whispered against the night. "Come here."

Merlin rolled over and saw Arthur, waving forward to join him.

He smiled and dragged his bedding over so they were side by side.

They kissed and he nuzzled his neck while rustling a hand under his small clothes to grab him. Merlin groaned slightly as his hips jutted towards his hand, his body looking forward to the now-recognized touches. The way Arthur touched him was with so much ease, confidence.

A few minutes later, Arthur couldn't stand the intensity and begged for more.

"Please," he said, now taking his hand and moving it downwards.

Merlin grinned and nodded. It was only the third time he'd done this to him, so he was still trying to get used to everything.

He wriggled downwards and happily obliged. Arthur was still hard from earlier and Merlin's mouth was warm and his tongue rolled around in _just_ the right places.

"You've- _ah_ -gotten rather good at that." He murmured, a hand stroking his dark hair as he advanced.

"I'm a fast learner." He replied before continuing. His hips moved towards his mouth, but after a few more minutes, he pulled back.

"I was thinking of trying something new...." Arthur said, with an eyebrow raised, stroking his hair again as he looked down at him. "Would you like that?"

Merlin grinned, blushing. "You know I can't say 'no' to you..."

"Does...that mean yes?" His stomach fluttered with hope.

"Sure." Even with such little light, he saw Merlin's eyes sparkle.

Merlin tugged off any layers he wore and Arthur quickly did the same. He turned his slim body and exhaled deeply, a shuddering breath drifting on Merlin's neck. Warm, slow hands crept along his back, and he could feel his warm body against his.

"You're sure?" Merlin nodded and Arthur nuzzled his neck as he slid up and had him guide him in at his own pace.

When he first advanced into him it was pleasant, but Merlin had him pause because there was also a bit of pain. It was a dull ache, as his body was not used to this specific kind of tension.

After a moment he had him continue. They took their time throughout. They began very slowly at first, but when he was ready after a few more minutes, he had no issue when he started quickining his pace. He pushed into him over and over again.

Arthur enjoyed the feeling of his body tightening beneath him. Merlin could feel all the muscles in Arthur's body tensing up against his back as he thrust faster.

His breath hitched and he tried to whisper as everything finished. "Oh God, I--" As the intensity broke, he trembled against him. Short, quick breaths in his ear, as Arthur clutched his tiny waist.

"God, you're amazing. That was so..."

He was too exhausted to finish his sentence and kept holding him, but eventually rolled off.

"Come here," Merlin said with a playful flutter grinning, eyes half closed as he pulled him close, but Arthur looked over his shoulder. He had to make sure everyone was asleep.

"Can't you kiss me?" He begged.

"Well, as long as no one sees us." They started to lean in, but--

Just them, one of the other men muttered, and rolled over.

"What was that?!" Arthur hissed as Merlin finally got a small kiss on his cheek.

"They can't see us! You should probably move back now." He said, hastily searching for his small clothes.

Merlin glared in disbelief. "You're _unbelievable_." He grunted, pulling his clothes on.

"You flirt and tease and beg me for it anytime you like and you always end up getting what you want. You just buggered me for the past half hour, but a **single** kiss terrifies you?!"

"No, that's not it." He gritted through clenched teeth.

"Then why _not_?" He implored under his breath.

"I want this, but I also don't want anyone to notice. Is that so unreasonable?"

" _Fine_." He grunted. He got up to move his bedding away. He laid back down and turned over to face him, glaring as he spoke.

"Oh and by the way, I know what you were doing earlier." His accent thickened as his anger surged. Arthur's cheeks burned, clearly guilty. "And to be honest, I wish you'd done that and left me alone. It's basically the same thing. No feelings, no meaning and it's all about you."

"I stopped doing that because I wanted to be with you. And not that you apparently care, but that did mean something to me." He argued.

Merlin huffed out a sigh, and rolled over. This was very confusing. It seemed like Arthur genuinely wanted him, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel used. It was too easy for him to push him away, literally or otherwise.

~*~

The next day started out mediocre. The sky had thick grey clouds and the air was nothing but a slow, foggy haze.

Arthur had gave Merlin a remorseful look over their makeshift breakfast, but he was too angry.

They barely talked while spending the day treking closer to the northern border. Arthur, in some way felt he should apologize, but didn't know what to say. Merlin genuinely didn't know how to feel.

That night, they sat around a fire. Merlin had just come back from gathering more firewood to last the night and heard Arthur say something to the other boys in their group.

"Well, I would introduce her to my servant but I don't think she's his type. You know, a girl."

The other boys chuckled around the fire as Merlin approached them. Hearing the joke, he was now indignant. How could Arthur say that? After last night?! He said it meant something to him!

"That's not what you said to me last night." He said, shooting daggers at him.

The other boys _oohed_ as Arthur glared. "Very funny Merlin, a different version of the joke I just told. You're painfully unoriginal."

"Oh, no I'm not joking. I'm serious." He stared him down. "And you know I'm right."

"Come on, that's nonsense." He rolled his eyes, sipping his cider.

"You're such a liar!" He threw the firewood on the ground. He turned, and took off like a shot.

"You'll have to excuse me, boys." Arthur said with a sigh. "I have to go repremand an unruly servant. Typical." He added, shaking his head.

He tramped after him and after a few minutes, he finally caught up.

"Oh come on, it's just a joke!" He put a hand Merlin's shoulder to face him.

"I don't actually mean it."

"Then why say it?" He snapped.

"Because I thought they'd like it. Who cares?" He replied with a shrug.

" **I** do!" He yelped. "And that's the problem. "I care, and you don't."

"It's not that I don't care; I just don't take this that...seriously." He claimed, leaning back.

"You did last night. That's all you wanted. You were desperate for me." He reminded, pacing around him. "I knew what you were doing, you couldn't help yourself. And then, you begged me to join you. You said yourself you wanted me! You said it meant something! So as far as I can tell, you get to do whatever you want with me anytime, but the fact that I _care_ about you is humiliating."

"It's not humiliating, it's just...not their business how I feel about you."

"And how is that, exactly?"

The question hung in the air between them.

"I care about you. I like you. But I don't like other people knowing something so...personal."

"If you care about me, why make jokes, even stupid ones, at my expense?"

"Did it even occur to you that I did that to make them less suspicious of me? So they wouldn't notice what we're doing?" His eyes narrowed.

"No..." He paused for a moment. That was actually a very smart tactic.

But it stung and wasn't right. "Maybe that will help. But you don't need to hurt my feelings in the process."

"I'm sorry, that's not fair to you, and I won't do it again. And I'm also sorry for last night." He said, slowly stroking his cheek. 'It's just..."

"What?" Merlin gently asked. He held Arthur's hand, slowly pulling it from his face. If Arthur was willing to apologize, he was willing to listen.

"It meant something, but I'm not used to it having any real meaning. I've never done this before. I don't know anything about relationships, I've never had one."

"But you said you've had relationships with a few girls before." Merlin replied as he scrunched up his face, confused.

"No, I said I've had _relations_ with a few girls before."

Merlin's face went blank.

"I just slept with them." 

"Oh." He paused and thought for a moment. He had to start somewhere. He looked up at Arthur. "All right, what's the closest thing you've had to a relationship before this? Go on, tell me."

"All right, let's see. Last year, this girl and her family came to Camelot to form some kind of treaty with my father. So they went on with their talk but all I noticied was her. Margarette, I think it was. Anyway, I looked at her, she looked at me. I took her for a walk that afternoon. I said something funny, she touched my arm, we had a ...moment. We spent time together the next day, eventually had dinner and I invited her to my room after. We spend some time together, etcetera etcetera... Then, she snuck back to the guest room before anyone saw her, and that's it. It happened again, and then three days later, they left and it was over. Simple, really."

"That's it?"

"That's it." He nodded.

"So, no responsibility, no feelings except lust, no real effort, besides the obvious; and absolutely no consequences for your actions. All the fun, none of the emotion."

"Precisely."

"So you've never had to deal with her ever again?"

He chuckled. "I don't have any children."

"Well, that explains everything." Merlin assessed as his heart sank. "A nice go-around when the mood strikes you and then you walk away unfazed."

His jaw dropped. "Well, when you say it like that, it makes me sound awful!"

"You are awful! Well, awful with feelings. But I think you can change." He said, looking at him closely. He pushed back a stray blonde lock that had fallen over his eyes.

"Would you be willing to change that? For me?" He was nervous, but had to know, or there was not point in trying anymore.

"Yes. But this is....discreet, right? I want to be with you. I have to be careful, but I want you. No one else." He begged with his pretty eyes. Damn his blueish-grey eyes that drew Merlin in.

"Yes. But...I want more."

"More what?"

"Affections, maybe romance, I don't know! I want to know this is a relationship, not just you using me."

"I'm confused. An I supposed to send you flowers? I'm seriously asking. What does that mean to you?"

"I don't need flowers. Just you. Maybe...hold my hand when no one's looking. Or just kiss me, for no real reason. Make things all about me, sometimes, like in the beginning. You can do all that with no one knowing. Please?" He looked at him again, hoping he could change.

"All right. I know I tease a lot, but I do genuinely like you." He said, an arm slowly pulling his waist closer. "You're different than everyone else. You're special, somehow. I like that you don't care what people think. I've never really been like that."

"As long as you're trying, I'm happy." Arthur smiled. "I feel like I should make this up to you. Can I?"

"Make it up to me?" He repeated softly.

"Yeah. I was wrong, and I want to be ...better. Anything I can do?" Merlin looked around. No one else was nearby and they were half a mile from their site.

"Come here," Merlin said in one quick breath. He backed up against a large oak tree. He pulled Arthur close and kissed him, mouth half open, arms around his waist, melting into him. They kissed on and on. Arthur kissed and nuzzled his neck, and then an idea crossed Merlin's mind.

"I--" he said, pausing for a breathy second, "suppose you could do one thing..."

"Anything," he replied, kissing his cheek.

"Anything?" He repeated, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Anything." he replied, kissing his neck again.

"I have something in mind..." A grin spread across his face. He kissed Arthur again, then pushed his shoulders down, setting him on his knees.

He seemed willing, but paused. "What if someone sees us?"

"That's what makes it fun." He whispered with a grin.

Arthur began quickly. He tugged at the fastening of his breeches and hoped no one saw them.

His heart pounded as he dove in, eyes closed and lips first. He was hard and warm, clearly ready to be satiated.

Merlin caressed his hair as his mouth pushed on, over and over, his slim hips pounding against a thick, scratchy tree. He didn't care. He liked that they were in the open, possibly getting caught. He was fine with his back pressed against the rough bark.

His lips were soft against the hardness, his tongue was warm as it flickered about.

"More." Merlin begged, panting.

Arthur obediantly moved faster and Merlin gripped his shoulder as he moved eagerly.

Merlin tried to keep quiet, tried to only moan softly, or stop breathing so hard. But he couldn't. His head was rolled back to one side, hardly able to stand the intense pleasure.

As he got close, he felt like he was gasping for air. When he finished, his hands gripped the back of his head to hold him still as his mouth stayed tightly around it despite the intensity bursting forth. He heard Arthur whimpering as he willingly let everything pass through his mouth and down his throat.

Merlin grunted in pleasure, in a daze that he'd convinced Arthur to do this. He was almost tired now, light-headed as his body trembeled against him. Arthur leaned back, drew a flask of water from his pouch and gulped down half the bottle, still breathing heavily.

With shaking hands, he refastened his breeches.

Now fully dressed, Merlin slid down, the cool earth being the perfect place to melt into a jumble of feelings and pleasures, a trembling mess of elation.

"How's _that_?" Arthur asked, a gleam in his eye. Merlin nearly collapsed onto him.

" _Perfect_."

~*~

That night went much better. They didn't do anything except snuggle, but everything felt... genuine.

And the trip itself was also a success. Arthur spoke with the leader of one of the villages just across the boarder, and they agreed to a trade deal his father had authored.

They returned home two days later, triumphant and content.


	4. Secrets & Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther raises concerns after seeing Arthur bicker with Merlin. The boys say nothing about their relationship, and when he turns to Gaius for insight, will he keep their secret or crack under pressure?

"My father said he wants to dine with us tomorrow night. I wonder what prompted him." Arthur had been staring out his window, tapping his chin. Merlin looked up from polishing the last piece of armor

"He probably just wants to spend time with you. Besides, it looks like things went really well with our trip last week."

~*~

Yet the next day, the couple had a fight. Some spat over something largely meaningless, but a fight nonetheless. So, they weren't particularly pleasant to each other that evening.

Uther had Arthur, Merlin and Gaius all join him.

"Only fitting to toast your success." The King began, raising his chalice.

"Yea, it went really well." Arthur said, but then grew quiet. Merlin was still unhappy, and neither of them knew exactly why.

The meal continued, until they started bickering again under their breath to each other.

Merlin got annoyed. "Fine." He snapped at Arthur.

_"Fine._ " He grunted back.

"Oh, you two," Uther chuckled into his drink. "Like an old married couple."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Arthur snapped, slamming down his fork.

The King raised his eyebrows. "Arthur, it's an expression. It means you quarrel over silly things."

"Are you implying anything?" He said before he could stop himself.

"What would I be implying?" He set down his drink, gaping at his son. "This is a bit rude of you. What are you fighting over anyway?"

"Nothing. I--I'm sorry." He replied, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have said that. I know you wanted to celebrate, but...I'm afraid I've lost my appetite. Excuse me." He mumbled, pushing his chair back from the table. He left without saying another word.

Merlin was concerned. "I...should probably go check on him." And followed in kind.

"Well, _that_ was very odd." Uther said to Gaius when the two older men were alone. "Did he seem upset about something specific?"

"I'm not sure."

"Those two have been arguing lately. Any idea what it's about?" He said, squinting in concentration.

"Oh, who knows with them." Gaius lied. "Especially at that age."

Unter paused, observing his friend. "Gaius..."

"Yes, Sire?"

"You don't know anything about why they're fighting?"

"I don't know any more than you do." He hesitated, and looked at his plate. "Can you let one of the girls in the kitchen know? This beef is delicious."

"I'll be sure to pass the message along." He held back. He watched, his head tilted to one side. He knew his friend was stalling. "But you're _sure_ you don't know anything?"

"I'm afraid I don't." He pleaded, pushing his food around.

" _Gaiiiiius_?"

"Yes, Sire?" He meekly looked up.

The King sat, now drumming his fingers against the table. "You know I can tell when you're not telling me the truth."

"Come on, then. What's this about? How bad can can it be?" He asked, now picking up his knife to cut his beef.

"I...suppose that depends on who you ask." His friend replied gently.

Uther's face hardened in concern. "If something's going on with my son, I want to know. And he certainly doesn't seem inclined to tell me himself. Please?"

Gaius sighed. He knew what he had to do.

"Well, let me start by saying, it's a rather delicate situation, but..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, but I thought it'd be fun to end on a cliffhanger! Next chapter to come soon!


	5. Past & Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur gets surprising news; Merlin and Arthur sneak off for a romantic evening...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but am hoping this makes up for the wait. 
> 
> Plus, good news: we have lots of drama right around the corner!!

The next day, Arthur apologized to Merlin.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't let little things get to me." He said, approaching his table.

"I'm sorry too." Merlin replied, setting down Arthur's breakfast. They kissed, Arthur gently touching Merlin's hair.

"Maybe take a few hours off." Arthur suggested, now sitting. He tried to remind himself: Merlin said he wanted affections, romance.

"We can...have some time together later."

Merlin grinned. "I'd really like that."

Arthur smiled, and kissed his hand.

~*~

"Ah, Arthur, there you are." Uther said that afternoon, nearly passing him in the corridor while he headed back from his latest round of training, almost ready to spend time with Merlin before supper.

"I was just looking for you."

"I'm sorry about last night," he began, lowering his eyes. "I know you had everything planned and I was awful. I ruined everything. I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's fine." His father waved it off. "There will be other dinners. But I wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to say, I know about everything with you and Merlin, so don't worry."

He held back for a second and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "This is totally natural. Happens all the time. Especially at your age."

"Re--really? You're not upset?" He squinted, shocked.

"No, of could not." He responded, chuckling. "You're young, and young people tend to have very strong feelings about, uh, romance. It's even happened to me a few times."

"It has?" He genuinely could not imagine his father in a relationship with....well, _anyone_.

"Oh yes, in my younger years. I wasn't always as wise as I am now. It happened with a couple different friends, actually. You know how boys can be. And they generally don't like admitting their feelings, but it's all for the best."

He nodded and looked down at the courtyard.

"At one point even Giaus and I had it happen. Just once, but he gave me quite the go-around."

Arthurs eyes went wide and be dropped his left gauntlet, speechless.

"And believe me when I say, it was difficult. He is a...surprisingly stubborn man." He chuckled, reminiscing with a nod, staring at his Kingdom, "and once his mind is made up, that he wants to do things a certain way, forget it." He laughed softly again. "It took _forever_ to figure things out."

"You're serious? This happened with you and..."

Was _that_ why Gaius was so understanding?!

"Gaius, yes. He had to explain everything. It even brought up unexpected memories. Honestly Arthur, I don't know why you didn't just tell me yourself. As soon as he told me, I realized I had no reason to fret."

"And, what exactly did he tell you?"

"That you and Merlin are quarrling because you like the same girl." He replied, leaning into his son, nudging his shoulder.

"Oh, yes, it's...suprisingly frustrating."

"Well, I'm sure the two of you will work it out. Like I said, fighting over a girl is very common."

~*~

"We owe Gaius a lot." He announced a moment later, entering his room.

"How's that now?" Merlin asked, head tilted up, already sprawled on the bed. 

"My father must've asked about our fight last night, and when he asked Gaius, he said we were fighting over a girl we both like. He lied to a _King_ to protect us."

Merlin paused. His immediate thought was that Gaius lies to the King _all the time_ , or at least omits the large fact that both he and Merlin are able--and choose--to practice magic. 

"Well, you bend the truth when you tell him you'll do one thing then do--" he almost said "what's right", but wasn't about to start another quarrel. "What you think is best."

"Still, though. He really doesn't...mind."

"I'll be sure to thank him later. What now?"

"Well," he began, removing his chainmail. "I told everyone we were done for the day and thought maybe we should go for a walk after it cools off. Thoughts?"

"Sounds lovely." Merlin replied.

~*~

The evening was clear and warm as they strolled away from the castle, hand in hand.

"I thought maybe we could go to one of the lakes in the lower town, but it's up to you." He squeezed Merlin's hand for a second, and he broke into a smile. 

"I'd be happy to." And so they walked on.

When they got to the lake, it was calm and quiet. The moonlight reflected brightly on the pristine water.

"Wish we could go for a swim." Merlin said without thinking.

"Why not?" Arthur asked, grinning as he removed his vest.

A few moments later, they each dove into the water. It was utterly refreshing. Merlin felt free there, having nothing but the moon overhead and Arthur at his side. He swam closer and could see how happy Arthur was. He leaned in and kissed him slowly. Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's neck as their tongues brushed ever-so-slightly. He kissed his neck passionatly and before he could even think, they were entangled, a jumble of limbs and wet skin against the shore. Arthur was lighter underwater as he shoved his hips against Merlin's. Despite his buoyancy, the tantalizing hardness was easily felt. Merlin pulled Arthur up onto dry land, kissing him harder, pulling off Arthur's wet small clothes.

He shed his small clothes as well and his heart pounded as his mind raced. "Turn over," he whispered. "Please?"

Arthur turned onto his stomach and Merlin pounced onto him, feeling every bit of his toned body. He kissed his neck again even nipping at it slightly, _just_ to tease him.

He took his time, working his way into him slowly. "Is this all right?" He asked gently.

"Yes, I'm fine so far." Arthur replied. He moved in further and Merlin immediately felt an intense rush, as his tight body held him in place.

After pausing a moment to acclimate, they went on, Arthur breathing heavily, the pleasure building in him, not used to the sensation as Merlin was above him, moaning with his head thrown back and eagerly pushing into him, more quickly each time. He felt free and content, doing as he damn well pleased with no fear of anyone knowing or caring.

Merlin was starting to get grass stains on his knees, but this was worth it. As he got closer, he gripped Arthur's waist and pushed harder and harder into him. He leaned up, streaching his lithe body, moaning into the night when he finished and felt absolutely perfect.

Arthur wasn't far behind and groaned in pleasure as he came, feeling a spreading warmth beneath him. They trembeled as they laid. Merlin caught his breath at last and they disengaged.

"Oh God, what a _rush_." Merlin said between short huffs of air.

"That's not too bad; I honestly wasn't sure how I'd feel about it, but...I had _fun_." He said a rebellious gleam in his eyes.

Merlin kissed him again and again, delighting in the outlandish endeavor, happy that Arthur was equally uninhibited.

It was well past midnight when they returned to the castle and into bed, blissfully exhausted. Merlin fell into his bed, and slept better than he had in weeks.


	6. Pushing & Pulling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Merlin & Arthur's relationship withstand forces seemingly beyond their control?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being so late but chapter 7 is basically ready to go so now that I got this down we've only got two chapters left and it's going to be good!!

The next morning Merlin bounded into Arthur's room, breakfast at the ready.

He gave him a light kiss on the cheek to wake him.

"C'mon, get up. It's beautiful out." Merlin said, cheery as ever while opening curtians.

"I'm very tired." Arthur mumbled from under his covers, "someone had me up very late last night."

"Well, whatever it was," Merlin teased, grinning as Arthur arose from his bed. "Let's hope it was worth it."

"Mmm." Arthur sighed happily as he shed his nightclothes. "I daresay it was."

Merlin snickered as he finished making the bed. "Look at you and your fancy words."

"Yes. You've been a terrible influence on me." Arthur replied, shrugging on his tunic.

"And yet you keep me around." He replied, now setting down a small platter of sausages.

"Yes, it boggles the mind of many, in fact." He added, grinning as he sipped his cider.

They kissed, and Merlin headed for the door. "I think it's Cinnamon's turn for breakfast."

Arthur smiled. He loved how lighthearted Merlin was. A bit odd at times perhaps, but damn if he wasn't endearing.

~*~ 

A few hours later, however Arthur wasn't nearly as carefree.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked that afternoon. Arthur was standing by his window, hands clasped behind his back. He stared wistfully. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm...concerned." he said softly, still not facing him.

"What about?" He asked, setting down another fresh pitcher of lemonade. "More treaties?"

Arthur sighed. "About...us. I....I think someone noticed us last night."

"But, we were in a different town. Miles away from the castle."

"They saw us come back." He turned at last. Merlin frowned, uncertainty washing over him.

"And?"

"And I think they figured it out."

"So what? It's not like they can hurt you. Right?" He said, almost begging it to be true. "You'll be their King someday. You outrank _anybody_ here. Except your father. But we've got our alibi in place."

"I really care for you. But this is a huge risk." He said, approaching his table, unable to look at Merlin. It hurt too much. He stood, lost in thought.

He was so conflicted. He wanted this, but what would his people think if they knew? Would they turn on him? Resent him? Be outright disgusted? Would anyone trust him to be a moral leader?

"But....isn't it worth it? Don't you want to be with me?"

"I want to be with you. But I can't just do anything. I get the feeling my father's impatient to have me settle down." He gripped the back of his chair, immobilized by fear.

"So that's it? You're giving up?" A sickening dread filled Merlin as his heart sank.

"It's not that simple." He replied meekly, but he didn't sound convinced of his own argument.

"It's simple, but it's not easy. Either you want me, or you don't." Merlin declared, eyes burning.

Merlin inched closer to Arthur. "Don't...you want to be with me?"

Arthur moved from his chair, backing away.

"I'm telling you I want it, but--"

"That's just it; right there." Merlin snapped. "I want to be with you. But something else is more important."

"Don't put words in my mouth." He clapped back.

"God, Arthur you're so fucking selfish!" He cried

"How dare you talk to me like that!" He said, with a cold, superior tone. 

"How dare you treat me like that! You're using me. Do you even love me?" He almost yelled, shoving Arthur away. He stumbled back, almost falling on the floor. 

"Because I love you! And you knew damn well I'd do anything for you. Any thing you ask me. But you are so _scared_. Do you love me?"

"Merlin, I..." He sighed again, turning away, a million thoughts racing through his mind.

"You don't love me." He whimpered. Backing away, unsteady in a sea of doubt. 

Merlin that's not it, I--" he turned, and Merlin was gone.

He dashed out of the room and saw the familiar brown coat disappear from view. "Merlin!" He yelled. "Wait!"

"Leave me alone!" He called back.

He raced to his room, tears blurring his vision. His heart pounded. He felt like every time things started working, Arthur got too scared.

But one thought, and one alone, pounded through his mind, over and over: He didn't say he loved him back.

~*~

A half hour later, Gaius returned to his room and concern washed over him

Because there Merlin sat at the table, looking miserable.

"Merlin?" He asked gingery, crossing the room. "Are you all right?"

"What if he doesn't love me back?" He mumbled.

"What?"

Before he could answer, Merlin's chair tipped over and he fell to the floor. The wine glass he'd been holding shattered and chards of broken glass glinted in the sunlight.

Gaius rushed up to tend to him.

"What happened?! Are you all right?!" He looked closer. His pupils were dialated, his face was flushed. HIs breath was uneven.

He looked him over, trying to see what happened. That's when he noticed the viles that were cluched in his other hand. He began to gather them. Some were labelled, some weren't. Two in his hand, a third in his pocket.

"Merlin," He said loudly. "What did you take?"

"I don't remember." He wavered.

"Try...Was this on purpose? Were you trying to hurt yourself?"

"I'm just scared." He whispered. "What if he doesn't love me back?"

"We can talk about that later. _What_ did you take?"

"I had _one_ drink," he slurred, pointing to the table "and then I got a headache and I just took...ah...something..."

Gaius stood, and saw the wine bottle on the table. He'd bought it two days ago and had drank exactly one glass.

It was now half-empty.

"Oh, God..." He said, eyes wide.

"Half a bottle isn't _one_ drink, Merlin!"

He then noticed the fourth vile, empty next to the wine. He quickly examined all of them, trying to piece together different reactions. "You're not supposed to mix these with drinking, _ever_! You know that! Are you trying to hurt yourself?"

"Not on purpose." He whined. "I told you, I'm just scared."

"I know," he said, leaning in to observe his breathing pattern, "but we can talk about that later..."

It would take a miracle to save him now.

 

~*~

Two hours of work, and Arthur had to know first.

He knocked softly on Arthur's door.

"Gaius...have you seen Merlin? We had a fight and he ran off. He said to leave him alone. I figured I'd give him time to think."

"He's not well. I'm telling people one by one to not cause a fuss."

He looked into Arthur's eyes, a haze of worry forming in them.

"Not cause a fuss? What _happened_?!" He demanded.

"Come with me, please."

 


	7. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen now? Can Merlin pull through? Will Arthur admit his true feelings?

Arthur's heart pounded as he entered Merlin's room.

"Oh God, what happened?" "He took something, mixed it with something else, I don't know what, and downed it all with half a bottle of wine."

Arthur nearly collapsed to the floor by his bed. "Oh God." He whispered.

"He's still breathing. Do you suppose he can hear me?"

"I'd imagine so. He's been in and out."

"God, Merlin, I'm so sorry. I know I pushed you away and all you did was adore me. I let everyone else get inside my head and lead me from you. I hated it, I hated every second! I..." His eyes stung.

"I'm sorry and I love you." He kissed his cheek and gripped his hand. He curled up, a vulnerable mess.

"This was all my fault." Arthur said, half-muffled by Merlin's pillow.

He looked up at Gaius. He needed answers. "Was he trying to hurt himself?" Guilt was heaping on him with each passing second.

"He insisted he wasn't." Gaius replied. "He kept saying he was scared."

"Oh no...we were talking about everything and we started to fight. I got upset and said.....I can't even recall now. Do you...think he'll get better?"

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't." Gaius mused ominously. "We just don't know."

Arthur felt helpless, a feeling he hated. This was his fault and he couldn't bear it. "I--I should go." He signed and trudged off, defeated.

Just as his hand touched the doorknob, tears blurring his vision, a gruff, tiny voice croaked and grabbed his heart.

"So it's true." A small voice hazily mumbled.

He turned. He know that voice.

"Merlin!" He cried, dashing over. "You're awake! Are you all right?"

He nodded slowly.

"Wait a minute, was this a trick? Was he _actually_ ill?!"

"Yes. Gravely ill." Gaius confirmed and paused for effect. "About two hours ago."

"Why didn't you say so?!" He snapped.

"I told you if you hurt him I'd torture you in a way you couldn't imagine. I never said for how long."

"So what exactly happened?"

"What I said before is still true: I came in here and once I had seen he'd taken who knows what with half a bottle of wine, I've spent the last hour and a half feeding him him charcoal to vomit up anything he took."

"And why was all this?"

"Like I said: He kept saying he was scared you didn't 'love him back'."

"Do you think he'll...forgive me?"

"You'll have to ask him." Arthur returned to his bedside. "I'm sure that I love you. I know I was selfish. I meant what I said. All I want is you. I don't care what anything thinks. I love you. And I'll find a way to prove it."

He turned to Gaius. "You've helped him so much, you should take a break. How can I take care of him? I'll do anything. What does he need now?"

"You can start by making sure he's rehydrated. See if he can hold down food in a few hours."

"All right. I'll let you know if we need anything."

Merlin's heart fluttered happily when Arthur said "we."

"I'll stay as long as you need me. As long as you want. I swear."

"You look tired." He saw the sweat on his brow, the slacked look on his face. He was clearly worn out from the ordeal.

"We should get you cleaned up. I'll draw you a bath." He kissed his cheek and left, seeking supplies.

"This should help." He explained once he had the water ready for him. He added drops of a fancy essential oil to the large tub.

"It's lavender oil, it's good for you."

"You don't have to do all this." Merlin quietly said as he slid into the warm water. He wasn't used to being fussed over.

"Yes, I do. I want to take care of you. I can't believe I never noticed the hard work you do...All this time, just for me. And I've barely ever said thank you." He said, gently running a cloth over his forehead, onto his hair.

"Well, now you can change." Merlin closed his eyes and sighed dreamily, leaning his head back, enjoying the heated liquid lulling him into relaxation along with the scent of lavender. 

Arthur slowly ran the cloth over him, gently cleaning.

Merlin felt the oil soften his skin, washing away all the worry and doubt and fear. He knew Arthur meant it.

As Merlin changed into pajamas, Arthur left to order him food.

"I'm back." He announced as he returned. "Oatmeal seemed like a good idea. I want to start slow so you don't get sick. Think you'll hold it down?"

"I hope so; I'm starving."

"I..." Arthur wasn't used to being nuturing, but Merlin needed this. "got you something special," Arthur added, handing Merlin the bowl.

"Cinnamon sugar, it's my favorite." He softly added, smiling at him.

"I know." He squeezed his hand.

"I almost lost you. Please say you'll never do this again." He pleaded, staring at his pretty eyes.

"I won't. But can you promise to always be honest with me? And don't let other people dissuade you."

"I won't. It won't be easy. But something tells me you are worth it."

And so Arthur nursed Merlin for the next three days.

He abandoned all his trainings, any meetings, campaigns, or political discussions.

He barely even left Merlin's room. He slept on a pile of blankets on the floor next to his bed in case he needed anything. Merlin mattered now more than ever.


	8. Just Say Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Arthur finally let go of his fears?

"I've made a decision." Arthur announced.

It was midday, and four days after Merlin's ordeal. He stood before his father and Gaius in the throne room. "Thank you for both taking time to see us. I'm happy to report that Merlin's fully recovered."

"I know we were quarreling, so  I just waned say with Merlin and I liking the same girl, I've decided to do the right thing and step aside. It's only fair."

He took a deep breath. This was it.

"Because when you're friends with someone," he put his hands behind his back, "you do right by them. you do what you know makes them truly happy and you don't just think about what the consequences are for you." He reached back and took hold of Merlin's arm, gently stroking it with his thumb.

"Well, that's very mature of you, Arthur. I knew you'd do the right thing." Uther said with a nod.

"And I just want to let everyone, especially Merlin, know this isn't an act of pity. I'm doing it out of my own free will and I don't care what anything thinks anymore because this..." he squeezed his hand gently, "is what I really want."

"Well that's very good to hear." The King replied, smiling at his son. "I suppose...all's well that ends well."

"Thank you, father." Arthur bowed slightly and Merlin did the same. The couple walked off, and Merlin beamed at Gaius as they passed.

Once they exited the room, Arthur pushed Merlin gently against the wall and kissed him. It was a quick, passionate kiss. They grinned as they parted.

But out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw a guard lean over and whisper to another one standing beside him.

"I think a guard saw us." He mumbled to Arthur.

"Oh, _honestly_ Merlin," Arthur replied, arm looped around his waist as they walked away. "Who cares?"

 

The End.


End file.
